Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
