I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
how drunk are you?
Several
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
