Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
