I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
