wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
