I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
