drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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