life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
