the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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