Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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