he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
