You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
