So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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