Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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