running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
