I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
