I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
