maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
