Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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