Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
