i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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