my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
