So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
