i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
