I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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