I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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