he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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