it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
