It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
