Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
