angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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