Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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