That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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