We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
