Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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