I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
