And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
