An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
