i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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