If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
