it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
