There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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