Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
