you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
