About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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