I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't turn off my feet"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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