why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
