Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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