my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
