i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
