I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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