I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
