I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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