He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
