my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
