How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
