who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
