remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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