wat bout pragnant strippers??
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I could fuck to npr.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
