why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
